Slight unexpected scenario!

Well today would be my day 2 of week one running plan. That was the goal for today. Sadly ill health has had me postpone it, hopefully only until tomorrow.
Now I really am unhappy about this. Im not good at being ill and im not good at feeling a failure. I feel my body fails me enough and it almost feels a personal attack again today.

In fairness I have been having new and horrid symptoms building up for a little while now, so I guess really I should not be suprised. Im 98% certain it is unrelated to my endometriosis and I accept I really should get my butt down to the doctor. I have these recurring sharp tearing kind of pains around my navel area, they dont seem to follow a pattern. Well, not one that I have noticed. My abdomen has a strange swelling and dip in the middle left area compared to the right and is tender to press. Although the right side is also painful to press/touch. My whole abdomen has a huge bloated look to it, the upper and middle parts have a hard feeling to the 'bloat' and the lower part not so. It seems to push through to my back, the pain I mean. I feel it more and more. It is like having a 4/10 pain all the time and recurring 9/10 pain attacking me.
Why I haven't gone to the doctor yet you may be thinking, which is a valid thought if you are. I like to think things will pass, people need me to keep smiling and pretending I am ok, I have a husband to look after, the doctor's won't want my face appear in their room again .....they may sound like excuses, and maybe they are to a point, but I genuinely believe all these things. I have to believe there can't be more wrong with me. I tell myself I will be wasting medical staff's time if I see them about this. I am not a doctor though. I realize i am being very silly and inappropriate. It is not something i would recommend to any other person around. I should listen to my own advice.

So. In an optimistic, yet mildly silly? way I aim to do my next run tomorrow. I have had some related pain since Sunday- thigh pain, groin pain. This is to be expected as it's the first time I have exercised in a long while.  I don't believe that my running has affected this other pain. I can't comment about endometriosis pain really as I have been all consumed by this newer curse plus I expect to notice something around the end of run 3/4.

So I wanted to update you all and I hope to bring you good news tomorrow :) stay warm peeps in the UK (and anywhere else in the world that is experiencing a sharp cold snap) stay safe and stay moving x

My first run! 1st Run of Week One of Nine of 'Couch to 5K' - my first plan, how it went and how I feel!

I did it! I still managed a smile too.

WEEK ONE, FIRST RUN......

Oh my goodness, well I actually did it. I still can't quite believe it. Lay here stretched out on the sofa in my onsie (what? Look, they are warm, comfortable, and that is a novelty for me, so fashion sense at question or not, they work! haha!) with a comforting mug of coffee it still seems a little surreal.

I have started my little discovery journey using the NHS Couch to 5K plan, a training plan designed specifically for practically anybody to use, to get them from no exercise regime at all to being able to run 5k solidly. Each run has an audio piece where 'Laura' talks you through what that days running plan is. The first day of Week One is the same for day 2 and day 3, and then will change in the next workout (Week 2). It consisted and will consist for the next 2 workouts, of a 5minute brisk walk warm-up, then alternating 60second running and 90second brisk walking for 20minutes, and finally a 5minute warm-down of walking. A grand total of 28minutes.
I planned my route via the fantastic Map My Run (www.mapmyrun.com) and had my running gear (basic at the moment, but hopefully Father Christmas will help me out this year!) and felt optimistic at best that I would manage half of it - especially as it was my first go, and I am very unfit, in pain and also badly asthmatic!

Well, the warm-up was fine, and I started to dread Laura's voice telling me my first 60second run was to begin. She spoke and I ran, well I did a fast jog really, but still running, and actually Laura made me smile when I heard her say 'Don't try to run fast, you just need to move'. She had a point, and I was grateful to hear it! The 90second brisk walk couldn't come quick enough mind you, and I held on to those precious seconds, willing them to magic into longer seconds, but although a tad out of breath I still continued.

Each 60second run seemed harder, and annoyingly seemed to start every time I was on a hill or incline, and that felt a little soul destroying (I may very well alter my route until I am better at this and less breathless!) and several times I felt I couldn't continue. I really was NOT used to this, and my lungs were letting me know about it too! I will be totally honest right now, and say that the fact I am still a smoker (hangs head in shame..) certainly will not be in my favour, asthma wise, or running wise, heck even endometriosis wise. I have cut down lots and know that by the end of week one of this training plan, I will completely ditch the smokes and pop on a NRT patch (Nicotine Replacement Therapy patch) because at the end of the day I am competitive with my own body and self when it comes to exercise, especially running. I used to run many years ago, and I got very good at it, very quickly. I also stopped smoking within a week for the same reason. I sadly started again after a rather bad time in my life, but this time I know it's for keeps. I will even let you know how that goes, if anyone would like to know?

Anyway, I had managed somehow, by a miracle, and had just 1 run left, I had completed the 2nd to last run and was on the 90second brisk walk. My asthma began really flaring up at this point, and had to use my inhaler a few times, and it didn't seem to be doing much to help. I felt a little scared and disappointed. I wanted to complete this properly but was very concerned I would have a full blown asthma attack if I started that next 1minute run. I tried to decide what to do, whether to listen to my head, or my heart, and decided begrudgingly I should not run the last one but instead keep at a brisk walk, actually more like a power walk for the last 2 1/2 minutes before the cool-down, and that is what I did.

I kept mentally beating myself up for 'not doing it properly' and felt I had let myself down. When I got home I even told my husband I had let HIM down for goodness sake! The truth is, I know I did amazingly well for my first go, and I also know I took the smart option. What would of been the point of doing the run and 'finishing properly' if I had a full blown asthma attack and needed hospital!

Since the afternoon when I ran, I have felt pain. Some of the pain is normal pain for me, other pain is definitely running related, but nothing too extreme to be honest. Of course I may not say that tomorrow haha! Yet, for now at least, it is fine. I took a hot bath this evening, as I figured that would help with any post-run aches and pains. As I told you, I am in my all-in-one pyjamas, trying to stay warm, so it will be interesting to see how my body is tomorrow. Usually it is the day after we feel these things, and if there is anything dramatic I will post it tomorrow.

For now, I can honestly say I am proud of myself. Half the battle was getting out the front door and starting, which is a mental thing, not physical. I worried I would look silly, or that people would laugh at me if I saw anyone. I worried I was making a mistake too. The only way I could know the definite answer to any of these things was if I actually got out there and ran! The first 2 things were a paranoid way of thinking of course. The last query, well it may be too soon to actually properly answer that, and I would like to say by the end of week 1 I will know either way. If it does turn out to be a mistake (although I doubt it) then at least I can say I tried, and then look for an alternative method of exercise but if it turns out a good decision, even if I have to alter the workouts slightly to accommodate my body, then that is fantastic. I know my body, I won't deliberately make myself iller. If I have to alter these workouts I will do so. If I don't then that is fine too.

This is, after all, a journey, and they say a journey begins with a single step. Whether that is a walking one, a skipping or dancing one, or a running one :)

(Let's just hope I have an easy post-run day re pain and stiffness tomorrow haha )

An Introduction, and explanation of me and this blog. Enjoy!





Hi, I'm Shell, I'm 34 years old and I have endometriosis, amongst a few other health problems. I was diagnosed officially in March this year (2013) after worsening pain, limited mobility within the last few years and an expanding lower abdomen that even my gynaecologist could not deny needed figuring out! Took them a while but anyhow, after an emergency admission due to severe pain that I.V. morphine couldn't take away, ultrasounds, and a CT scan they decided in an urgent, hurried way with scary whispers of tumours and the like to whisk me off that afternoon 2 days after admission, to the operating theatre. I genuinely felt scared, but just hoped I had answers. I wasn't to be disappointed!

 

When they got in there, the first thing that the surgeon had to negotiate with before anything else could be done, was to cut through the thick and plenty of adhesions. She told me there were that many adhesions she literally could not see anything. Once that was done, the first thing they wanted to deal with was the huge mass they had discovered on the CT scan. You know, the one that created the nasty tumour whispers and looks of pity and concern. Thank heavens it was not the C word, but still, it was a peritoneal inclusion cyst, and it completely filled my pelvis on the left side to the middle, front to back. This thing was huge. This was drained I know, and no little more except they don't know why I had one, as usually it is a result (although these are not your common everyday gynaecological problems, they are relatively uncommon it seems) of a previous pelvic inflammatory disease - of which I have never had, so if they don't know, I don't know! Frustrating, especially as there is a good chance it could recur. There is very little decent information out there on this, and I really have no understanding. Especially as a scan in the December the year before showed a cyst of only 2 x 1 x 2cms, how on earth did this thing grow so quickly? They had presumed originally it was an ovarian cyst or maybe a hydrosalpinx but hey ho!

 

After this pseudo cyst was drained anyhow, they found a loop of bowel had also adhered to my uterus and fallopian tube/ovary so that had to be sorted. Endometriosis spots were also found, on my peritoneal wall, my two ovaries and there were other places, but given little information and this is all I know. Since my operation I have tried the contraceptive pill, Mirena and now Depo-Provera injection, to little use. Next step is either a pseudo-menopause drug for 6 months, or a query hysterectomy. Neither are particularly inviting to my mind and so I have decided to try a more natural approach to helping the pain and symptoms. I am still on my injection but as I am not due to see my Consultant until the end of January, I wanted to also try a positive natural approach so I can feedback to her when I see her.

This is my journal of this journey. I run now every other day so will post on these days, but also may post in-between depending on pain, symptoms or anything else worth noting, and sharing. I also hope that my running will help me emotionally. Being in pain 24 hours a day to quite a severe degree again (yep, I know, that doesn't sound promising again, I am trying to put off the local emergency department as long as I can) is depressing, maddening, frustrating and angry. It makes you feel that everything is fruitless, why bother, what's the point.....I speak to a wonderful woman once a week about how I feel about all this, the fertility issues, the pain, and also from this my openness for the first time in my life, about things in my life that have hurt me, that gave me depression and anorexia as a young teenager through to my mid 20's. This is good of course, it is cathartic and also very painful at times, but nevertheless it is good. Yet it is difficult to not put on my 'oh, my pain? No, actually, that's totally manageable thank-you, I am doing good' face on, even to her, to my friends and family, my husband, myself.

 

What if, just what if, this running malarkey and getting fitter and active actually helps? How fabulous would that be! An emotional coping method for sure - feeling low? Put my trainers on and pound the pavement until it isn't so bad, isn't so painful, angry, irritating etc. If it becomes a tool, a prescription if you will, for my endometriosis pain and other symptoms then well, I wouldn't need hormones in my system injected or swallowed, maybe I wouldn't need the morphine and other strong medications I now take daily in a vain attempt to not feel some of the pain. Just imagine that for a moment. Any fellow EndoWarriors out there will appreciate my hope, for that blissful discovery, heck we all would eh sisters? Anyone with chronic pain can also understand. It is something many of us can only hope and dream for, yet never becomes a reality. Well, together, let's see how it goes. I hope I can make you laugh along the way, share relevant information, links and such. I hope we can share together the good, the bad and the ugly of this journey -  as I know too well it will be all of these things at times.

 

Keep strong, keep moving and never, ever give in!